Month End Report September '09

Days since inception: 638
Cash balance: $22.55 (all time)
Cents per day: 3.5345(since inception)
Predicted day for $1,000,000: Sunday January 18th 77,339 AD

9/30/2009
$1,000,000
= 993.54 oz of Gold @ $1006.50 (as per Nymex close near month)
= 14,220.70 barrels of oil @ $70.32 (as per Nymex close Light Sweet Crude near month)
= 60,808.76 oz of Silver @ $16.445 (as per Nymex close near month)

Although I did not reach my target of $23 by the end of September, I fell 45 cents short, I did manage to knock 7,000 years off my predicted completion date. I started off the month at the U.S. Open. Also, this month marked the first time we found paper money on the sidewalk when Mrs S. snagged a buck in the parking lot at the Malibu Diner in Hoboken. Is this further evidence of inflation? My Shopping with Sidewalker feature showed a month on month decline in prices, is this further evidence of deflation? And by the end of the month I had dogs living with cats, and cats living with dogs (see post below). These are indeed interesting times as we, as a nation, seek our 'new normal' in a testing economic environment.

For the sake of nice round numbers I will make my target for the end of October $25.In the next couple of days I will post about the investment decisions we have taken for the Sidewalker Fund. Let's hope the fun we had in September continues on into October and the Halloween season.


-Luke Sidewalker
-Current balance $22.55

The Dog Shelter Never Lies

I must admit on the odd occasion I see the business news channels it really makes me laugh. When these programs want to discuss the state of the economy they invariably trot out some blowhard economist, who has attended Harvard Business School and is currently employed by one of the tax dollar guzzling big banks. He or she more than likely has two homes, several cars, a base salary of at least $500k plus bonus (if their institution can wring any more money out of us peons).

You will hear them talk about leading indicators, budget deficits, GDP, inflation, deflation, trade balances, (un)employment, money supply; the list goes on and on (I don't want to loose readers, but you get the idea).

With my hand on my heart, I tell you I could do their job by making four local phone calls a month, lasting less than a minute each. I call my local homeless dog shelter and inquire about their occupancy rates. Their answer tells me all I need to know about the health of the economy. No business school, no big salary, no holiday Castle Sidewalker in the Hamptons for me.

So if you want to know how the economy is doing pick up the phone, make the call to the dog shelter and consult my handy guide below.

1) They have one dog - You should start taking dance lessons to learn the Charleston. The roaring 20's are upon us once again. Buy, buy, buy this party ain't never going to end.

2) They have a couple of strays - Go refinance your permanent residence to buy a vacation home in Florida. Then refinance the Florida home to buy a mountain lodge in the Rockies. Rinse and repeat.

3) They are half full - You won't get a pay rise this year, but it shouldn't stop you buying a jet ski and an ATV, both of which will get used once, before becoming garage ornaments.

4)They have a couple of spare kennels - Your salary will get cut in half, but it rocks that you still have a job. Your two next door neighbors will soon be jobless and buying groceries on their credit card.

5) Every kennel is taken - If you are not yet, you soon will be jobless and penniless, going without food so your wife and children can eat. You'll take down the kitchen cabinets to burn as firewood, and you'll be looking to sell the copper piping from your plumbing, if you could only find a buyer. Everyone on your street will soon stop paying their mortgage.

6) They sent the overflow of stray dogs to the cat home - Watch out when this happens. We will be dangerously close to the event horizon of a financial black hole. I hope it's not tomorrow.

So go ahead make the call, I sincerely hope your local dog shelter has plenty of vacancies. And when they answer you, think of that blowhard economist on the TV...


-Luke Sidewalker
-Current balance $22.54

Sidewalker Mailbag #7

It's Friday so that must mean it's time to open the mailbag at Castle Sidewalker. I'm going to take a departure from the normal format this week. After my recent posts on tax, I received this correspondence from a fellow Sidewalker in the United Kingdom. In this day and age where we are always looking to abrevi8 evry thng mainly due 2 twts n' txt, I thought the following letter should be viewed in its entirety. To give it some context, it was inspired by my FiLife article on tax.

Dear Luke,
I know nothing of tax and to be honest that’s for the best. If I did I would have exploded long ago I suspect. However, consider this:
A company earns a pound/dollar (the existence of which you inform me proves it has already been taxed).
The company pays corporation tax or the US equivalent and employers’ national insurance.[LS: Social Security in the USA]
The company pays an employee who donates income tax and employees’ national insurance.
The happy employee spends half of what is left. The price of the item the employee buys includes VAT, GST or whatever it is.
The employee invests the remainder for the children – obviously paying tax on any interest earned.
On receiving their inheritance the kids pay inheritance tax.
Spending what’s left involves paying VAT, GST etc etc.

My point: if you can get 67c for a dollar take their arm off.

Meanwhile, in this country at least, the “glorious leaders” are out buying houses for their ducks out of taxpayers’ money (though not their salary which is, of course, paid by the taxpayer).
Obviously, I’ve got not a clue if the above is correct but suspect it’s not too far from the truth. If you can allay my concerns I would be most grateful.

Your loyal correspondent,

LS: Thank you 'Loyal Correspondent' for taking the time to share your observations. As for allaying your concerns I fear I will disappoint you. At this point I feel I could only exacerbate said concerns. I'm sorry my friend from across the ocean, "We're all taxpayers now..."

In other news, Mrs Sidewalker found our first dollar bill yesterday (or should that be our first 67c bill). It looks a little out of place in our 'change' jar!

And I still need help and comments with my investment portfolio in the post below this one, all comments welcome.

Have a great weekend...


-Luke Sidewalker
-Current balance $22.57

Silence Please Ladies & Gentlemen

It is with great honor I stand before you today as the Chairman and Chief Bottle Washer of the Sidewalker Fund. It gives me great pleasure to welcome each and every one of you to this, the first meeting of the Sidewalker Fund Investment Committee.

For those of you that have been following my quest for some time, you will know that I have often mentioned this day. The point at which we now stand is where the Sidewalker monies have swollen to a total that they must now flee the relative safety (assuming my bank doesn't go belly up) of the Sidewalker checking account. These coins we brought in off the street, were first nurtured back to usefulness by an extended stay in the Sidewalker Change Jar before Jr. and I deposited them in the bank.

It is time these coins repaid my faith in them (and their free board & lodging at Castle Sidewalker), and to that end we must put them to work. It is at this juncture I realized that the burden and responsibility of controlling such funds was a task that could not fall on one man's (mine) shoulders. So I have drawn up a short list of possibilities to allocate the $21 and change. I urge you to look over my list with due care and attention, then leave your suggestion in the comments section please.

So, in no particular order here are the suggestions.

Option 1: An ING Certificate of Deposit
Pro - These CD's are FDIC insured up to $250,000
Con - The yield sucks and who is insuring the FDIC?

Option 2: Buy 5 shares of Citibank (C.N) at $4.50
Pro - With a 52 week high of $23.50 there could be lots of upside potential.
Con - Major perpetrator of today's financial mess. Next Lehman perhaps? Lots of downside potential.

Option 3: Buy 1 American Eagle Silver Coin .999 fine silver
Pro - I get rid of my dollars before the Federal Reserve Bank devalues them to zero.
Con - It is a shiny piece of metal with a nominal value of $1.

Option 4: I go to the Borgata in Atlantic City and put it all on Black
Pro - I get to feel like a rock star for the time it takes the ball to settle.
Con - Tough to explain to Mrs Sidewalker why two years of sidewalking has yielded nothing when it lands on Red.

Option 5: Buy a Mario's Pizza Value Card for $20 that is redeemable for $30 worth of pizza, and sell it for $25 to the Hoboken Paddler
Pro - An easy $5, my very own printing press.
Con - Slightly unethical, borderline illegal for dealing in unofficial currency.

So what option should I go for? Have I missed an option out? What say you?


-Luke Sidewalker
-Current balance $21.27

Three Times a Charm

Having taken over 24hrs to get over my outrage posted yesterday, I have some more pleasant news today (from my perspective anyway!). I had my third article published on the FiLife website. The website has some really useful financial tips and tricks mostly delivered in a manner relating to families, life stages and everyday living. To be honest I'm rather flattered that they think my articles bring some value to their readers. When they plucked me from obscurity (true, some may say I'm still there) to write my first article, The Penny is Dead, Long Live the Penny, I thought it was a bit of harmless fun and I welcomed the opportunity with open arms. Then when I was offered another chance at literary immortality with my second article, Dollar Advantage: U.S. Open, I started to have delusions of grandeur.

So tonight everyone, I would like you to take pity on poor Mrs. Sidewalker, as she has to live with a husband who's head has swollen to the size of a small European principality due to the publishing of article number three. It can be viewed by clicking the link below. Enjoy.

A Dollar Found is Worth 67 Cents by Luke Sidewalker

As always comments welcome, good and bad.


-Luke Sidewalker
-Current balance $21.27